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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23106496">Downward Spiraling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sympathetic_deceit_trash/pseuds/sympathetic_deceit_trash'>sympathetic_deceit_trash</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Arson's Sanders Sides Fics [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, Blood and Injury, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Dukeceit (platonic or romantic), M/M, Mental Breakdown, Vomiting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:42:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23106496</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sympathetic_deceit_trash/pseuds/sympathetic_deceit_trash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus isn't doing great. He receives help from his...friend?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Arson's Sanders Sides Fics [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>183</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Downward Spiraling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I already posted this in my ts oneshot book, but I think it'll do better on it's own</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus wasn’t as stupid as he acted.</p><p>He knew he wasn’t loved, or even well liked.</p><p>He was tolerated.</p><p>And only just barely tolerated.</p><p>Roman had turned his back to him and treated him like the dirt on the bottom of his shoe.</p><p>He didn’t blame him.</p><p>Virgil had left for the light sides and never looked back.</p><p>He didn’t blame him, either.</p><p>Speaking of the light sides…despite the loving, happy, facade he put up, the dark sides knew damn well that Patton despised them all just like the rest of the light sides.</p><p>Remus grit his teeth, his eyes burning suddenly. He gripped the edge of his desk, his sharp nails leaving scratch marks in the wood as his stomach twisting itself into a knot.</p><p>"Fuck," he whispered hoarsely before letting go of the desk and turning, punching the wall hard, "fuck!" He pulled his hand away, barely sparing a glance at his bloodied fist or the dent in the wall.</p><p>He didn't even know what was wrong with him today. It wasn't as if anything had changed.</p><p>He supposed his thoughts got the better of him.</p><p>"Remu-" Remus reacted without even thinking, grabbing his desk lamp and hurling it at the source of the noise. Deceit yelped, ducking. "Remus!"</p><p>"What? What the fuck do you want?" Remus snarled, tears pricking at his eyes. "You got more news about my brother? About how the light sides hate us? A-"</p><p>"Remus," Deceit said, softer this time. He held his gloved hands up, a clear display that showed Remus was in control. He took a hesitant step forward, and Remus gave a guttural growl in warning, so he didn't try to get any closer. "Calm down." He seemed to regret the words as soon as they left his mouth.</p><p>Calm down?</p><p>As if he had any right to tell Remus to calm down when he didn't know, didn't understand--sure he was another dark side but he didn't have to hear about how great his brother was and how he should be more like him and-</p><p>"Re, you're bleeding."</p><p>Was he?</p><p>There was warmth trickling down his wrist, and when he looked, Remus saw red leaking from where he was digging his nails into his palm.</p><p>When had that happened?</p><p>Didn't matter.</p><p>Wasn't important.</p><p>He wanted to hurt.</p><p>Remus wanted to hurt Roman for turning on him.</p><p>He wanted to hurt Virgil for leaving him, and Dee. He wanted to hurt Virgil for causing the only side who seemed to be willing to have him around so much pain.</p><p>He wanted to hurt Patton for being a judgemental, hypocritical ass.</p><p>He wanted to hurt Logan for being so much better than him.</p><p>Remus blinked hard, frozen in place and trembling.</p><p>He wanted to hurt himself.</p><p>For a lot of reasons.</p><p>He wasn’t good enough.</p><p>He wasn’t good at all.</p><p>He was loud and obnoxious, annoying and frustrating.</p><p>He was violent and crude, childish and even dangerous.</p><p>He was gross and rude, useless and unwanted.</p><p>He was a disgusting, dirty monster of a side.</p><p>He was scum.</p><p>He was...Remus.</p><p>And, God, did Remus hate Remus.</p><p>He jumped when he felt silky, gloved hands envelop his own, apparently not caring about getting blood on them.</p><p>“Remus.” Deceit said again, but this time, he didn’t need to say anything else. They locked eyes. Deceit wordlessly opened his arms and Remus broke, a dam opening up. He slumped forward, his forehead on Deceit’s shoulder as a whimper akin to a wounded animal left him.</p><p>"It hurts, Dee…" He mumbled as Deceit rubbed circles into his back and ran his fingers through his hair...somehow. Remus' hair was notoriously knotty, and yet his fingers glided through effortlessly.</p><p>Remus didn't linger on it, wanting nothing more than to lie in his misery at the moment.</p><p>He pulled away suddenly as his stomach gave a hard lurch, turning and puking up all over the scratched wooden surface of his room’s floor.</p><p>"Oh…" Deceit took a step back, lip curling a bit.</p><p>He was going to leave, too.</p><p>Remus could almost puke again at the realization. </p><p>Deceit was going to leave him just like everyone else, all alone with his disgusting, creepy, weird thoughts and his vomit-</p><p>"Here," Deceit guided him to his mess of a bed, and if he were in a better mood, he might've made a suggestive joke, "sit. Breathe. Relax, alright?" He rubbed his shoulder soothingly.</p><p>"Don't leave." Remus demanded, but it didn't seem to bother Deceit.</p><p>"I won't."</p><p>"Are you lying?" Remus asked skeptically, wiping his mouth. Deceit didn't appear to take offense to his suspicion. </p><p>"No." He assured, so soft and simple and honest feeling that it had to be true. “I’d never leave you. Never you.”</p><p>“What if I hurt you?” Remus asked. Deceit paused and Remus took the silence and ran with it, letting his worst fears spill out into the open and fill the air until there was none left for him to breathe. “I’m dangerous. I don’t wanna be bad but I can’t control it, I-I have these thoughts but I don’t- I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially not you! Except maybe myself, but I deserve it, I’m bad, I hurt people and I’m weird and clingy and you’re gonna leave me one day, too-” He gasped for air, throat tight.</p><p>“Remus.” Deceit waved his hand in a loose motion and Remus’ hand clapped over his mouth. “Focus on me, not the what ifs. You haven’t hurt me yet, but even if you did, I’d forgive you. Because I know you, Remus Sanders, and I know you don’t like hurting people.” He slipped off his gloves, the light glinting off a patch of scales on his right hand as both came to clasp Remus’ free one, despite the dirt under his bitten-down nails and the scabs on the rough skin. He didn’t seem grossed out or...anything. “Do you understand?” Remus nodded slowly and the force holding his hand over his mouth relinquished, his hand dropping to his side like a rock in water.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t.” Deceit shook his head. “Don’t you dare apologize for having feelings, for being Remus, for being you.” He murmured, lifting Remus’ hand up. “We’re friends, okay? And as friends, it’s our job to help the other out when they need it.”</p><p>“We’re friends?” Remus asked. Friends? He didn’t think Deceit liked him. Friends don’t tolerate each other. They like each other.</p><p>Deceit’s eyes were far too soft and warm and Remus felt uncomfortable, only because he didn’t know how to handle it. He squeezed Remus’ hand lightly and summoned bandages for his very injuries, apparently deciding to confront the throw up on the floor later.</p><p>“Of course we are. We always have been, always will be.”</p>
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